Friday, November 28, 2008

Changes can be so EXCITING!!!

So I know it has been a while but I wanted to have all the NEW info before I updated everyone. Well last week, Thursday William and I went and saw his Dr. And the results are in that he is just one of those guys that will always have some of the white blood cells in his stuff. That being said we found out some very interesting things about our Dr. during the visit like he was a patient himself of infertility when his wife and him were trying to have a baby so he knows exactly what we are going through. Since he was so knowledgeable we asked what he recommend we try next. He recommended for no more than 2 IUI's and then IVF because he says we are excellent candidates. I don't know if we are going to follow this plan to a T but it was nice to get his input.

This past Monday we went to see my Dr. for a consultation about what will be happening next. And this is what is in store for us. First I will take some Provera to make my cycle start then I will have an ultra sound to give us the go ahead to start hormone shots. Then I will be closely monitored and when the timing is just right I will have to take my trigger shot. Then 2 days later we will have an IUI. So that is what is next in a NUT shell!

So how do we feel about ALL of this.... well I would have to say good! We seem to think that it will REALLY work this time because they will have ALL our issues under control. So us being naive and hopeful. Are hoping that we will pregnant by the NEW YEAR!!! I know I know we are getting our hopes WAY too up. BUT hey at least we are optimistic. So of course I will keep you updated on what happens. Because everything is TBD.

But I would like say that today is a good day, because as tradition unfolds today we can start decorating for Christmas! We will get our Christmas tree, go out to a special dinner and go see a Christmas move. This year the movie is "4 Christmases" I am SO EXCITED!!!! So I hope everyone has a WONDERFUL rest of Thanksgiving holiday!!

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Waiting for ORDERS and wondering Aimlessly!

Well this past week was fun and eventful! Right now we are still in the LIMBO stage because we have several steps to go through before the BIG appointment with my Dr. to see "What's Next". This week was step one, William made his "DEPOSIT" for lack of a better word. Next Thursday we will go in and talk with the Male Infertility Dr. to see if the medication worked and whatever else he may say (step 2). Then Next Monday for the week of Thanksgiving is the big step 3, where we will go in and talk with my DR. So I am glad the steps have gone into motion because I am very anxious to get to step three and see what is coming next. It's like I am in the military and I am trying to be patient to find out what the next plan, to DEFEAT the enemy (the enemy being "INFERTILITY"!

It has been so weird this month without taking the hormone drugs and having to count days, take ovulation tests, going in to get blood work done, and stressing about which days we should be doing what. This month I have really started to feel like I am NOT strong enough to finish out this journey. I know that I have to keep going because giving up is NOT an option right now but FEAR of the unknown has really set in. My friends both online and in person have tried to fill me in on what lies in store for me, sharing tips and secrets to get through. But with Christmas coming and no baby in sight I have become some what depressed, so much so that I think I need to see a counselor.

I read a friend's blog the other day, she was talking about how hard the holidays are when you are dealing with infertility and it really brought me to tears because I felt like she knew EXACTLY what I was feeling. The other day I told William that I wanted to "GO AWAY" for Christmas, just disappear and not have to endure all that comes along with it. I don't know why that would be appealing, like if we disappear Christmas won't hurt and I will not have to be sad, but the honest truth is no matter where we are on Christmas we will still be sad. We will still think about all the traditions that we do and how wonderful they would be to share with a child. What makes this whole thought process sad is that William and I love Christmas it is our favorite holiday! And the thought of NOT celebrating really makes us so sad, so we are torn.

I just don't know what to do with myself. I have realized that this infertility thing has become an obsession. ALL that I talk and think about! Which I think is WRONG. I am more than just a woman who is dealing with infertility. I am a wife, friend, sister, aunt, and teacher. But some how I have lost who I am in this whole mess of infertility. I used to be a person who was almost ALL the time HAPPY! Now it seems that I am MOSTLTY sad. Because during the moments of joy in my life underlying them is my pain. It doesn't take much for me to cry and I feel like I don't smile enough. I feel like the happy person that I once was is now lost in a battle with something that I don't know if I will beat. This whole thing has really taken OVER our lives, we are trying to stay a float but we are struggling to stay above it.

How do I stop thinking and talking about it? I am afraid if I stop talking it will eat me alive! So what do I do?

Monday, November 3, 2008

Fun Filled Saturday!

In my attempt to talk about other things in life that have nothing to do with baby making, because on top of all this baby making business William and I have a very busy life! Almost every weekend is jam packed with activities with friends and family. By Sunday afternoon we wonder in exhaustion where the weekend went and we can't wait until Friday is here again!

This weekend was extra special because it was the weekend of FLORIDA VS. GEORGIA. For those of you who don't really keep up with SEC college football, this is a HUGE game for both teams. Next to Florida State, Georgia is our next big rival. Both teams meet on neutral ground (Jaguar Stadium), in Jacksonville, FL, and play a hard cor football game. It has been this way for a VERY long time. And so being the HUGE Gator fans that William and I are we travel up to Jacksonville every year to watch them play.

This year we rode up and tailgated with our Good friends Annie, Devin, Adam, & Lauren. Annie and Lauren set up the most adorable tailgating site. And Devin and Adam cooked up some yummy schish ca bobs (please excuse the spelling error). Over all it was a GREAT time!!!! The Best part of course was when the Gators STOMPED Georgia.
I realized later that night that one of the many reason's I love going to Gator games is because it is 4 hours or sometimes more of no talk of babies and I am happy to say I like it.

Below I have posted some pictures from this weekend:
William & I

Me, Annie (baby Belle), & Lauren

yummy food

Annie & I enjoying our Pixie Stixs