Strange things happen when you are NOT paying Attention!

Well I have some interesting news. It appears that DESPITE all the confusion and drama of taking my pills, it appears that I ovulated anyway! I am kind of surprised I expected and prepared myself for the results coming back that I did not ovulate. So that is FOUR months in a ROW that I have ovulated! Woo Hoo!!! And four is my favorite number, so that's right I am going to say it.... I am going to be positive for both William & I, "I think that maybe this month will be our month!" So we will see.

I was talking to one of my best friends, Annie, today and she brought up a really good point, and that is where my positive attitude stems from. She said for a normal person who ovulates regularly it takes a couple months to get pregnant. Good thinking I know! I can always count on her for a positive outlook!!!

Well I guess it is back to work for now , Open House is Thursday night so I am very busy. I will keep you guys posted on what happens!!! Thanks for all the posts, I think that we are developing a little blog family support group!

Being Chatty Soothes the Mind!!

Hello all!!! Yes I have returned back from where I disappeared to! AKA Some place in the First Grade blackhole!! I am so sorry that has taken me so long to post again. Thanks so much for all the emails to check on William & I!

Well I am proud to say that I have survived my first week of teaching the 1st grade!!! Wooo Hooo!!!! And I am happy to say that despite all the stress, I am having a wonderful time! I love my class and I love teaching in general. The best part is that I am really distracted from the baby thoughts (don't get me wrong they are always there!!). But having something else to focus on has been great!

I have been so distracted that I screwed up my pills this cycle! Has this ever happend to any of you?? You see it started with I decided that I was going to try Walgreens instead of Target mostly because of distance from my house. My thinking was same pills, same price. Boy was I WAY WRONG!!!!! I usually pay about $24-$27 for the generic brand of clomid from Target. When I went to pick up my pills from Walgreens I asked them how much and they told me $56. Well after I picked my jaw off the ground, I explained that I usually pay way less at Target. The obnoxious pharmacy tech said, "Well Target does not make it's primary profit on medication like we do." And I responded, "Well just the same I would like my prescription back!!!!" The key thing to remember is that particular day I was supposed to start taking those pills and I would not be able to get them from Target @ the time it was. So I was already a day behind. Then on Friday(the following day) I got so wrapped up in taking pictures for graduation I forgot to pick up my pills!!! Nice right, I know??!!! But I am sure this was not good but I still took ALL the pills. And with the results of my progesterone looming over my head (Tomm. AM). I can't help but think that I screwed it all up! So if we don't get pregnant it is all my fault!

Despite my guilt I am very blessed with an AMAZING husband who is ALWAYS there for me!!! Even during my emotional episodes that I have (which I am sure many of you have had) You know the I am crying but I don't know why episodes! So I thank God everyday for him! And I am still somewhat confident that we will get pregnant!

Also I have found that I have been excessively chatty about my condition! I think that this blog has helped me open up and learn to talk about it as opposed to holding it all in! So I guess because I have been talking about I feel a little better about it!

Well I would like to close with some wonderful pictures of my classroom!!!

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

Busy, Busy, Busy Bees Have no time to Worry

I want to start out by saying thanks for the kind thoughts on my last post. I know it has been a while since I last posted, and I know that I kind of left you guys hanging. I just got really wrapped up in putting together my classroom and my graduation, which was today!! I have to say that all this stuff going on has been a blessing!!! It has really helped me get the baby thing off my mind. (we'll see how long that will last)

TIME TO CATCH UP
To bring everybody up to speed. I had a Dr. Appointment this past Wednesday (for my monthly probing ewwww) my MD said that the pain was normal (yeah right well it wasn't normal for me). He said it was most likely pain from ovulation. Overall everything is going good I started my next round of clomid so we will see how this month goes!!!

I have to say what really has been helping us lately is going to church on Sunday. It seems like every service speaks to us and gives us help in what we are going through.

Patience is a virtue I DON"T have right now!

Well I am pleased to say that the pain has finally subsided and in it's place has come head aches and exhaustion (joy for me!). What really sticks is I really need all the energy I can get to work on my classroom because it is "crunch" time if I want to have it done by pre-planning. And on top of everything because I have been placed on "relax rest", I have not been able to exercise (per Dr.'s orders) so I feel fat! (yuck!!) Yea, Yea, I know poor William, I am a serious whiner and very grumpy (what did he ever do to deserve me?!)

Besides all my symptoms, my mind is Still RACING with baby thoughts. Yesterday was day 28, so the time to "pee on a stick" is drawing near, and I HATE taking pregnancy tests! No it is not because I pee all over my hand (I know TMI)! I have mastered the procedure of taking the test, I just hate the anxiety I get during those 3 minutes, knowing that I won't see those "two lines" . And this time I know the anxiety of those 3 minutes is going to be so much worse because of what has been going on this week. And nurse Sue said to take a test on Saturday, and William and I have decided that is when we will take one, I am TERRIFIED! Not only for my own feelings but for his, I just don't want to let him down again! And the worst part is my cycle during these past 6 months has been about 35 days ( I know that is really long and I am really screwed up!) so technically taking a test Saturday could be too early! We could get a negative result even if we were pregnant! So I don't know if I even want to take one on Saturday, but if I am pregnant I really would like to know!

I just want something amazing to happen to William and I! I know good things happen to us ALL the time, because we are blessed to have each other, good family and friends. That is why getting pregnant would be amazing, because I am getting to the point where I feel like it is impossible for me to ever get to mommy hood!

And what is so funny about ALL of this is "I am SUPPOSED to be trying to be as RELAXED as possible!" I don't think nurse Sue realized that I DON"T know how to RELAX!!

What would you guys do? Would you take the test on Saturday or hold out until Next Thursday?

A Word of Thanks & Other Rantings

So I would like to start off by saying thank you to all the nurses, doctors, and other staff that work at fertility clinics. I don't know about the clinics that everyone else goes to but I know that the nurses and doctors as well as the rest of the staff at the clinic I go to is is amazing. These people do all that they can to help William and I get pregnant as well as other couples who are struggling to conceive. These people are always so patient and kind with everyone. And are always willing to answer questions no matter how stupid or how many time they have been asked. They are just amazing!!

You see I went this past Saturday for my monthly progesterone level check to see if I ovulated. Which I did 9.85 (Hoorah!!!). Anyway My favorite lab tech nurse, Jessica, was there she is always so nice and always puts me in a good mood. She always makes me laugh despite my anxiety of needles! And most importantly she knows how stressful it is to wait for test results so she tries to get them done the same day!! Which William and I so appreciate!!

Another reason that I love these wonderful folks is because of the following. Monday morning I woke up in severe pain, coming from my abdomen. Usually this week during my cycle I do get cramps but this pain was much worse!! I was miserable and scared that something was wrong, I decided that if the pain kept up until 8 AM I would call my doctors office! Well unfortunately it continued, I made the call and left a message for my nurse, Sue. She called me back by 8:30 AM. I explained what was going on and she patiently listened. She said that I might be having pains from ovulation or some part of that process, but that she would check with the doctor to see if I needed to come in (Of course she was very thorough in her explanation). She said to try and relax (RIGHT! HA!!) and to not do any intense activity and to call her if anything changed. Well I laid in bed for like 4 hours and could not take it anymore (props to all those women who are on bed rest or have been on bed rest!!), she said I could walk, so I decided to go do stuff around my classroom. As the day wore on the pain was still there, but not as strong, but still uncomfortable. I decided that it felt like I was on my period (i.e. bloated and crampy).

I survived Monday and this morning it did not hurt very bad at all, but I still hung out in bed as long as possible. And as I went about my daily routines, if I did too much activity it started to hurt a little. And all throughout yesterday and today my mind was RACING!!! I am wondering if there is an egg implanting? Is there more than 1 egg implanting (is that why it hurts so bad)? What if I am going through ALL of this and I am STILL not pregnant!! I don't know about the rest of you but I hate these drugs they give all the same symptoms to make you feel like you are pregnant even when you are not.

I am wondering if anyone out there has had these symptoms or has any idea what is wrong with me? If so please comment and let me know what you think.

I already HATE Brad and Angelina

US Weekly is breaking the news right now that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie turned to in vitro fertilization to conceive their newly born twins, Knox and Vivienne. IVF is typically used when a couple has trouble conceiving, but in this case Us says Brad and Angie just wanted to speed things up.
"They conceived through in vitro fertilization," a well-placed source within their camp tells Us. "They both desperately wanted more babies soon."The chance of having fraternal twins at Angelina's age (33) naturally is under 1 percent; with in vitro, the chances are 25 percent. Says Dr. Arthur Wisot of L.A.'s Reproductive Medical Group (who did not treat the couple), "We live in an era of reproductive freedom, so anybody can do anything they want within legal limits."The actress chose the procedure (which can cost around $12,000 a pop) so "she wouldn't have to deal with the stress of trying to get pregnant," the source tells Us. "She could just knock it out." http://wwtdd.com/

Well for us normal people i guess we will just have to put up with the stress and heartache. i wish i could just snap my fingers and have steph pregnant but i dont make stupid movies. This just pisses my off they already dont take care of the kids they have there just handbags to the stars. well im out before i put some really mean stuff on here.

Why is it when things SUCK they really SUCK!!!!!

Sorry it has been so long since I posted, it has been a crazy last few days. I had an amazing day on Friday. I hit the gym and then had an 80 minute massage (It was amazing). I came home and had an amazing evening with my wonderful hubby. We finished the evening by watching "The Bucket List", if you haven't seen it, it is really sad, so bottom line we both went to bed sad. The horrible things started because we are currently waiting for my egg to drop. So last week I bought the $30 ovulation kit that shows a circle or smiley face. (I have never wanted to see a smiley face so bad), but anyway On Saturday morning I still had not seen a smiley face. And William had a to-do list a mile long to get done before my birthday BBQ that night. So he headed over to his parents house to borrow the mower, but somebody was using it. So he decided to weeded instead and it broke while he was using it. So we decided to borrow my parent's mower and they said no. Finally we decided to head to the grocery store and when we went to pay my card would not work (how embarrassing) so I had to write a check (which I hate doing!). It just seemed like we couldn't do anything right, along with the baby thing looming over our heads.

Then things started to brighten up! Somebody came and mowed our lawn and William started cooking the chicken. Everything was going smoothly and everybody showed up and we had a GREAT night. Here are some pics from the night.

My Birthday Cake (William baked for me)

Matt & Grace

Chef William

Our Family
All of us Playing Rock Band (So Much Fun!!!)

So I am sure right now you are thinking, "It doesn't seem like things were THAT bad". Well today is Wednesday and yesterday I took my last ovulation test and I never saw that stupid smiley face!!! So I am super depressed and terrified at the same time because Saturday is my blood test and if I didn't ovulate I am sure our Dr. will call us in for a consult and go over what is next. That is whats scary I think whats next is surgery for me, and I am terrified. I never dreamed that getting pregnant would be this hard!!!! Why does life have to be so challenging!!!!