Theapy sessions ONLINE!!!

Yes I know that this is my second post today but I wanted to comment back to all the comments on my last couple of posts.

This blog has been such a blessing! It has been a form of therapy to type my thoughts out and get them OUT of my head. And I have been able to share my story with others just as I get to hear other's stories who are going through the same thing. I am glad that I am able to share my story with all of you. And I love the support that I get from all of you. There is just something about talking with people who know EXACTLY what we are going through!!!

If you ever have any questions or ever need to talk please email me !!! edugator08@hotmail.com. Thank you for all of your kind thoughts and sharing your stories with me!

Hopefully I will be able to share some more news with you ASAP!

AWKWARD!!!!!!!

So I know that this post is about four days late! But I was trying to hold out until tommorrow when we will have real results. Then I thought maybe I can just update everybody up to the point where we are right now.

Well as you know this past Monday I had my monthly ultrasound, and William was getting tested. As you know this was an EXTREMELY awkward experience for not just him but for me as well, but we decided to walk in confident hand in hand, thinking that no matter what happens God will help us get throught it. This appointment had to of been the most stressful up to this point. My thinking was that if William ended up being ok then that is GREAT, but if there was something wrong, at least we know.

So this is how the appointment went... The nurse called me back for my ultrasound and took William where he needed to go, so I had to sit in the ultrasound room all by myself for what felt an ETERNITY!!! Til William finally joined me and of course as soon as he came in I drilled him with questions!! Then the Dr. came in and did our monthly ritual. Things looked good this was our 4th month of ovulating in a row. I proceeded to ask the following questions after he was done:
-So what is our plan (meaning how many more months am I allowed to be on Clomid)?
Dr: You will take Clomid about 3 more times permitting that you continue to ovulate.

-What happens next after we can't take Clomid anymore?
Dr: Once we are done with Clomid we will move on to shots which is a more aggressive method.

-Do you think there is something wrong with William?
Dr: No I don't think so, sometimes Clomid helps and then other times after taking it for long periods of time it makes your uterus a not so good place for an egg to nest.

Once I asked all of my questions the Dr. then asked us if we had had William tested, we proceeded to tell him that we had JUST done it! He then asked us if we could wait around for about an hour becuase some of the results will be ready. He told us to go sit back out in the waiting room and either the nurse would come if things looked good, or he would come out if there was something wrong. After he left the room I just kind of lost it a little bit, I just sat there and cried. I wondered how did we get to this point. I told William I am so SCARED of the shots, I HATE needles!!!!! But I finally composed myself and we headed out to the waiting room.

So we tried to be calm and focus on the blessing that we would be able to get some of the results back so soon. We waited about 30-45 minutes and then the door finally opened and it was the Dr. a lump began to form in my throat thinking all the horrible things it could be, but I decided that it could be something small.

So of course both of our minds were racing as we followed the Dr. into a small room we had never been in before. He started out on a positive, William's count was really GOOD. So I was thanking God for that. But then he proceeded to tell us that there was something up and there were a few ways things could go. If this little issue could be cleared up by the prescription the Dr. wrote him we could continue on our merry way. If it does not clear up in 3 weeks on the prescription then he has to go see a special Dr. And lastly if the rest of the test results say it is something that can't be fixed then he would incorporate an IUI. So as you can imagine we have been praying for patience this whole week trying to wait to get the rest of the results, we are hoping we will get them tomorrow.

Sometimes you have to find a way to see the rest of the milk in the glass.

Well I am sorry to say that around 11:30AM this morning Aunt Flow came and paid me a visit. So it is very clear that I am NOT pregnant ( I don't know what it is but when I say that phrase I always feel like I am one MAURY SHOW, "And William is NOT the father!") Yeah yeah I know not funny!!! Anyways I am proud to say that despite my disappointment, I am very glad that my pd. came as opposed to me taking a test and getting a negative result. I hate taking pregnancy tests. I just get so much anxiety, it's like I know it is going to be negative, but I still secretly hope that it will be positive. So I thank God that he was gracious enough to have my pd. come when it did. So I did not have to take a pregnancy test.

Unfortunately its arrival has sent a certain things into motion. The first is I obviously need to go get an ultrasound done on Monday. Fun, Fun! And well another serious thing must happen. You see these past few months William, Dr. W. ,and I having discussing William getting tested. Well this month was the cut off point, both William & I decided if I did not get pregnant this month we would get him tested. So guess what he has to do on Monday!!! And I am sure that all of you reading this have gone through this either in my shoes or William's. I feel so bad! But I know it has to be done. I know this has to be so hard for William, and it means the world to me that he would do this despite how uncomfortable and awkward it will be. I just love him so much and I thank God for him EVERY day!! There is no one more perfect for me, that could be there for me during this difficult time. He is truly amazing! Any way if anyone has some words of wisdom for us about what is coming ahead of us, please share!

And as usual thank you so much for all the kind thoughts and check-ins. I love my blog family!

Strange things happen when you are NOT paying Attention!

Well I have some interesting news. It appears that DESPITE all the confusion and drama of taking my pills, it appears that I ovulated anyway! I am kind of surprised I expected and prepared myself for the results coming back that I did not ovulate. So that is FOUR months in a ROW that I have ovulated! Woo Hoo!!! And four is my favorite number, so that's right I am going to say it.... I am going to be positive for both William & I, "I think that maybe this month will be our month!" So we will see.

I was talking to one of my best friends, Annie, today and she brought up a really good point, and that is where my positive attitude stems from. She said for a normal person who ovulates regularly it takes a couple months to get pregnant. Good thinking I know! I can always count on her for a positive outlook!!!

Well I guess it is back to work for now , Open House is Thursday night so I am very busy. I will keep you guys posted on what happens!!! Thanks for all the posts, I think that we are developing a little blog family support group!

Being Chatty Soothes the Mind!!

Hello all!!! Yes I have returned back from where I disappeared to! AKA Some place in the First Grade blackhole!! I am so sorry that has taken me so long to post again. Thanks so much for all the emails to check on William & I!

Well I am proud to say that I have survived my first week of teaching the 1st grade!!! Wooo Hooo!!!! And I am happy to say that despite all the stress, I am having a wonderful time! I love my class and I love teaching in general. The best part is that I am really distracted from the baby thoughts (don't get me wrong they are always there!!). But having something else to focus on has been great!

I have been so distracted that I screwed up my pills this cycle! Has this ever happend to any of you?? You see it started with I decided that I was going to try Walgreens instead of Target mostly because of distance from my house. My thinking was same pills, same price. Boy was I WAY WRONG!!!!! I usually pay about $24-$27 for the generic brand of clomid from Target. When I went to pick up my pills from Walgreens I asked them how much and they told me $56. Well after I picked my jaw off the ground, I explained that I usually pay way less at Target. The obnoxious pharmacy tech said, "Well Target does not make it's primary profit on medication like we do." And I responded, "Well just the same I would like my prescription back!!!!" The key thing to remember is that particular day I was supposed to start taking those pills and I would not be able to get them from Target @ the time it was. So I was already a day behind. Then on Friday(the following day) I got so wrapped up in taking pictures for graduation I forgot to pick up my pills!!! Nice right, I know??!!! But I am sure this was not good but I still took ALL the pills. And with the results of my progesterone looming over my head (Tomm. AM). I can't help but think that I screwed it all up! So if we don't get pregnant it is all my fault!

Despite my guilt I am very blessed with an AMAZING husband who is ALWAYS there for me!!! Even during my emotional episodes that I have (which I am sure many of you have had) You know the I am crying but I don't know why episodes! So I thank God everyday for him! And I am still somewhat confident that we will get pregnant!

Also I have found that I have been excessively chatty about my condition! I think that this blog has helped me open up and learn to talk about it as opposed to holding it all in! So I guess because I have been talking about I feel a little better about it!

Well I would like to close with some wonderful pictures of my classroom!!!

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

Busy, Busy, Busy Bees Have no time to Worry

I want to start out by saying thanks for the kind thoughts on my last post. I know it has been a while since I last posted, and I know that I kind of left you guys hanging. I just got really wrapped up in putting together my classroom and my graduation, which was today!! I have to say that all this stuff going on has been a blessing!!! It has really helped me get the baby thing off my mind. (we'll see how long that will last)

TIME TO CATCH UP
To bring everybody up to speed. I had a Dr. Appointment this past Wednesday (for my monthly probing ewwww) my MD said that the pain was normal (yeah right well it wasn't normal for me). He said it was most likely pain from ovulation. Overall everything is going good I started my next round of clomid so we will see how this month goes!!!

I have to say what really has been helping us lately is going to church on Sunday. It seems like every service speaks to us and gives us help in what we are going through.

Patience is a virtue I DON"T have right now!

Well I am pleased to say that the pain has finally subsided and in it's place has come head aches and exhaustion (joy for me!). What really sticks is I really need all the energy I can get to work on my classroom because it is "crunch" time if I want to have it done by pre-planning. And on top of everything because I have been placed on "relax rest", I have not been able to exercise (per Dr.'s orders) so I feel fat! (yuck!!) Yea, Yea, I know poor William, I am a serious whiner and very grumpy (what did he ever do to deserve me?!)

Besides all my symptoms, my mind is Still RACING with baby thoughts. Yesterday was day 28, so the time to "pee on a stick" is drawing near, and I HATE taking pregnancy tests! No it is not because I pee all over my hand (I know TMI)! I have mastered the procedure of taking the test, I just hate the anxiety I get during those 3 minutes, knowing that I won't see those "two lines" . And this time I know the anxiety of those 3 minutes is going to be so much worse because of what has been going on this week. And nurse Sue said to take a test on Saturday, and William and I have decided that is when we will take one, I am TERRIFIED! Not only for my own feelings but for his, I just don't want to let him down again! And the worst part is my cycle during these past 6 months has been about 35 days ( I know that is really long and I am really screwed up!) so technically taking a test Saturday could be too early! We could get a negative result even if we were pregnant! So I don't know if I even want to take one on Saturday, but if I am pregnant I really would like to know!

I just want something amazing to happen to William and I! I know good things happen to us ALL the time, because we are blessed to have each other, good family and friends. That is why getting pregnant would be amazing, because I am getting to the point where I feel like it is impossible for me to ever get to mommy hood!

And what is so funny about ALL of this is "I am SUPPOSED to be trying to be as RELAXED as possible!" I don't think nurse Sue realized that I DON"T know how to RELAX!!

What would you guys do? Would you take the test on Saturday or hold out until Next Thursday?